My emotions and general moods about my life and its path have varied greatly in the past weeks. From general moderate optimism and mehness to distinct pessimism about how my life has already ended and nothing of worth or value will ever happen.
This past weekend I went splunking about the woods. It put the girl issue into some context as I came to realization that in part I was living my life for or as a part of someone else's narrative rather than appreciating what I liked for the very sake that I liked it and IT was a part of MY experience. For the first time in a long time, there are things that I know I want to achieve and desire them. Sure, I always wanted something vaguely approaching the "good" life. As economics lost some of its luster or rather as social needs began to dominate other wants, these vague goals were too illusory to strive for and I had very little desire for the immediate components that would allow me to become this "good" person.
That's changed. Appreciating my life for its own sake has changed my paradigm. Actually this dramatic change in how I view goal behavior is in response to a common tv trope. I have never been much of a music person, yet nearly every other person my age seems to have very well defined and deep music tastes. I have had past attempts to "fix" myself by just immersing myself in music and hoping I would be able to bullshit about it. Those efforts typically died off pretty fast as well it wasn't very much fun at the time to go tropsing about. Actually, I think my pseudo scientific method of systematically listening to every band burned to my itunes library or going through genres probably had negative effect on my desire to learn more about music.
This weekend though while I was wandering about the wilderness, I had been listening to music the whole time. Some bands that I had listened to once or twice or a few other random bands were actually fantastic. If (this is silly bear with me) I just listened to the whole song, rather than letting the first few seconds decide my mood, my mood with move with the music rather than the other way around. Yesterday when I was just having a terribly down and needy day, I just started listening to Avril Lavinge. The G had sent me the video jokingly and I figured what the hell [actually the song I was sent], I didn't mind sk8terboi that much either so why not listen to it.
I watched all of Avril Lavigne's music videos. I can't yet say what is "good" or "bad" in music but I did enjoy naturally exploring all of Avril's work and then moving on to No Doubt and touching on some Nirvana I hadn't heard in ages. The whole process was just a ton of fun and so interesting.
I think I am ready to want some things. I think I have the raw ability and opportunity to accomplish these things. Money while significant will not be the limiting factor in achieving these basic goals (for me).
I am going to be an active participant in my life. My life can be awesome and will be awesome.
The TED talk I linked discusses how success seems to follow from happiness rather than the popular perception that the causality flows the other way. Hell, people tend to like positive people more often. The best dynamic I had with said girl was that I was confident enough to be dark and self- deprecating in an upbeat and sarcastic manner. I am going to make a conscious effort to be more positive.
I want to be a confident, strong, well-read semi-fashionable guy. Strong enough that I can have the confidence to try playing the field a little over the next few years and hell for the joy of feeling healthy in its own right. I want to pick up a martial art so that I am able to defend myself, stay in shape, compete in a healthy way and understand human physiology better. These two are what I want to prioritize over the next year. I've also begun to appreciate well being more aesthetically pleasing and I am going to make a studied attempt to modify my wardrobe going forward. Lastly, I want to be more "cultured." I always took a studied disinterest in popculture and relating back to my discovery of music, there's a value to just being more "cultured" in the popular sense.
Goals:
(1) Fitness
I want a nice butt. Not a 6pack, a nice butt would totally make my day (for obvious reason).
I want the general endurance to run 2 miles at a respectable speed. I also want to increase my general flexibility.
(2) Be more positive without ignoring my sarcastic core tendencies.
(3) Pick up a martial art, likely Akido.
Competence to be generally able to defend myself and also to develop a decent understanding of physiology
(4) Dramatically increase the amount of music I have listened to
This time start with the familiar and what I like. Eventually I do want to have listened to all of the prominent classics. Modern music for now but maybe some classical music when I go home.
(5) Develop a plan of media that I should watch/consume namely movies etc.
(6) Hit masters level in SC [I would just enjoy this achievement]
(7) Make a booklist of fiction I want to read. Nothing too serious but enough that I spend more time reading than on reddit.
(8) Substitute away from forums to media like books
(9) Develop my liquor mixing abilities. [Delay until Job]
- Deep understanding of both general knowledge on where certain types of liquors come from as well as eventually the ability to have an intuition on what will mix well.
(10) Become more capable of writing well on demand
-Augment this by trying to post atleast twice a month
-Make a plan to actively improve my understanding of statistics and econometric tools. It doesn't need to make me a PhD but competent understanding would be awesome.
So that's the game plan. I'll detail specifics on why each one is still important to me an a medium term (6month) game plan on how I am going to achieve each goal in future postings.
Edit: A few late additions
(12) Style
-Actively but slowly start upgrading my wardrobe to match my career path and budget. A nice pair of loafers and a peacoat definitely high on the list. I look a little too young/nerd at the moment with the funny shirts and unlayered set up and a refinement within reason would be pretty cool.
(13) Soccer
-I've come to realization that it's worthwhile to have hobbies because depth beats breadth in terms of both the externalities generated as well as simply enjoying the actual good. I used to watch a fair bit of a soccer and even though I'm not as attached anymore I know enough about the EPL and other leagues to participate in a good discussion. I definitely want to nurture this interest and develop my knowledge of Manchester United.
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